Where art thou? My Passion

Every day, I keep searching. I search by observing, by listening and, by watching people who seem passionate about what they are doing. Despite all that, I still struggle to find my own passion.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about a passionless world where I don’t enjoy anything or am depressed about the world around me. No. I think I’m as reasonably happy as happiness can subjectively be defined. I’m talking about a career of passion.

As I go about my day, I meet more and more people who are passionate about everything under the sun from banking, luxury goods, product management to social work. I thoroughly respect their interests and they have myriad stories to back up why they are so passionate about. Of course, I meet others along the way who would do anything for money. These are hapless people like me who sought passion, didn’t find it and resorted to the status quo. I really get these people and why they chose this path. I mean, you really can’t blame circumstance or societal pressure. Primary reason being, we usually are in a mindset where we think we can’t do anything about these things.

For instance, I’m really passionate about happiness. OK. Hear me out before you roll your eyes. Not just personal happiness. But, happiness in general, as a state of mind, rather than fleeting emotions people attribute to extrinsic motivators. Those philosophical pursuits of truth and meaning in life and identity. I mean, I would give anything for a life where I could surround myself with the company with whom I could debate and brainstorm ways to achieve utopia.

But, as the hapless person that I am, two things limit me. First, the cost of the societal pressure over my unstable career path. Second, my self-doubt over the question as to whether I would be able to live up to the standards of other philosophers.

This passion of mine is slumbering deep inside the inner vestiges of my heart. This passion that would drive me to overcome those self-doubts and other farcical excuses that I give myself and the world. I know it. I feel it. By venting out my thoughts as words, I’m hoping that my action, if consistent and persistent, will awaken the sleeping passion and enrich my career pursuits.

Till we meet again.

The Light Bulb

When I first embarked on the journey of a teacher, I started out knowing little about what to expect and what the realities were. Now, more than a year later, as I look back at my progression and growth through the year, an involuntary smile lights up my face. Time and again, people have told me that the children end up teaching you more than what you teach them. I think I have to agree with all those people. Nowhere else have I felt more intellectually stimulated in my life.

Arguably, as a teacher, my most memorable experience in the classroom is when I get to see the light bulb glow. It happens at that instant when a kid finally manages to connect the dots to what I’ve been jabbering about for the past couple of weeks. It is delightful to witness the probable inspiration behind Thomas Edison’s invention.

Ah! the stories I could tell. Of all them, I think the one that would really be close to me is that of Selvam. From the most notorious and violent little prankster with little interest in studies to one of the most invested students, he has been the major inspiration in making Mondays the best day of the week. Why? I get to go back to class! All this is because of the light bulb moment I had with him. The day he fell in love with Math and long division. He constantly reminds me that all it takes is finding the right concoction that piques the interest of the child and leveraging upon it to develop his/ her overall growth.

Agreed, I now know the realities and the odds that are stacked against my children on competing on a global scale. But, that still doesn’t extinguish my hope as I constantly get to witness new light bulbs light up my classroom every day. Yes, my kids are underdogs on a global scale. But, everyone loves the underdog. Today, I’m convinced that every mind, be it from a palatial setting or that of a slum, could be lighted up with passion and curiosity. And, once this is achieved a Big Bang repeats itself and a universe of opportunities and achievements unfolds. I am fortunate that I get to play one small part in all the cosmic drama titled: “Let there be Light”.

Hiraeth

Somehow I was reminded of the word Hiraeth. The place that never was, the place that never will be but the one that we all yearn from deep inside. The sheer vagueness of its form is perhaps the most enticing aspect of it. All the more because it is an individualized utopian dream to each one of us. I suppose that  I had lost all faith in such a concept of utopia somewhere along the line. But, slowly, off late, I’ve come embrace the reality of its existence.

There I was, standing in the sweltering tropical heat, surrounded by the pungent stench of putrid waste and urine, with the midday sun burning down on my head, the noxious fumes of the diesel engine humming it’s subdued power, and the chants and yells of the humdrum of a typical Indian Railway station at its daily operation peak. And, I realised later that all of that didn’t matter to me. All I knew and realised then was that look that she gave me. The look that said “I see what you’re doing. I see what this means to you and it means just as much to me.” In my mind, I saw utopia. Utopia in the form of two souls understanding each other in perfect harmony and wavelength. What more could I ask for?

In its essence, I believe that it is all these micro-utopias that form the foundations of our most cherished memories. Commonly known as the “Little things” of life. All the grandiose and extravagances of life are but a poor substitute and a cheap imitation of these micro-utopias. What I realise now, in pursuit of the ‘macro- utopia’ is that we need to extend our hearts and feelings to more and more people. True, most times our heart will be squashed, our intentions misunderstood and our gestures unreciprocated. But, all that will pay off one day. The day when we chance upon that one soul who would truly understand what we feel. And then, all it needs is that one look between the eyes to realise that more can be said expressed and felt though the language of the souls than anything else. And, then we will see the truth that the world is indeed a beautiful place full of love.

Not two seconds after I was hit upon with this realisation, I looked into the eyes of a transgender woman and gave her a smile which was reciprocated with all the magnanimity that the soul could give. Another defining moment which further strengthened my newfound belief of this achievable utopia. This time, shared with a perfect stranger who has been through her own share of vicissitudes of life. It is then true that Hiraeth, in the physical sense, is a place that never was and never will be. As I have realised, it is all in our minds and all that it takes is that deep connection with someone or something that makes us realise it. And, our entire lives we spend in the quest for that connection. Makes our journey all the more worthwhile and the end, we realise,  had always been with us. No wonder some wise man once said, ‘the circle of life’.

Life of Change

Change is the only constant in life. And, to me, it’s a good thing. We are where we are in our relationships because of changes we’ve had to undergo in the past. This stems from a mere circumstantial change to the changes that we have undergone as a part of our personal transformation. Who we were in the past is no longer who we are now. But, the present always seem better than the past for some reason. True, a lot of ignorances and innocence have made way for a deeper understanding of ourselves and the reality of the society around us. The reality, no matter how ugly, is still the reality. We cannot keep living our lives in denial, can we? It would just be another way hoodwinking ourselves. Not a sustainable way to go about approaching life.

We have all dealt with tons of change over time.  Some for the good, others seemingly for the bad. When it comes to changes in our  relationship, at the outset, it usually seems like a bad thing in most instances. But, it necessarily isn’t. I think time and separation are the true tests of the strength of the underlying relationship. A relationship that does not survive the test of these two inevitable elements does not have strong foundations. As a person who has lost many and retained many more, I can confidently affirm this. Over time, we will realise how much more we understand each other. Over distances, we realise how much more we yearn for each other.

Moreover, just because we are enjoying the best of our time together today does not mean that this is the best there can be. For instance, how long will the same feeling of satisfaction last, if this complacency lasted for years? The human mind and heart yearns for the change. For some adventure, in any form there is. Meeting new people, creating new experiences, either together or by ourselves. Without which, we would just be engulfed by boredom.

Also, looking at the balance perspective, I am not completely sure if this is how it works with both the sexes but for a person to feel the best about themselves, there must be a work-life balance. Each must make up for half of one’s life. Nothing more and nothing less. A stagnation in either attribute, is when the mind goes idle and as the saying goes: “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop”. I am content with my profession now but, is this all my career? No. If I did not achieve at least a substantial portion of my aspirations that I’ve set for myself, I wouldn’t be able to feel happy about myself and this in turn would affect how I behave with my family and friends. And, if my relationships with my family and friends are tumultuous, they in turn would reduce my efficacy at work. Neither can exist in it’s best form without the other.

Having said all this, I’d like to conclude that one of the major impediments to our growth is the impediment of status quo. When, it’s good we try to hold on to it with all our strength. When it’s bad we try to run away from it with all the haste. Being nostalgic, is a good thing. It promotes a sense of belonging and achievement. But, wanting to relive the lost past is mere foolishness. When we do that we’re merely forsaking all the glory that we could bestow on our present. Let us all embrace the change the vicissitudes of life confer on us. Either for the good or the seemingly bad. After all, as the Spanish saying goes: “Que sera sera”.

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